Minnesotans Share Their Craziest Conspiracy Theories (For Laughs Only)
It’s no secret that Minnesotans love a good tall tale.
A recent Reddit thread asked the folks from Minnesota to share their favorite outrageous, unsubstantiated conspiracy theories about the state. The responses did not disappoint!
Before we dive in, let’s get one thing straight – these are merely jokes and fantastical tales spun for amusement. There is no credible evidence behind any of these claims. They’re completely made up!
That said, here are some of the most hilarious and creative Minnesota conspiracy theories courtesy of the good people of Reddit:
a secret underground water park in the basement of the Mall of America
Number 1 on our list of wildly entertaining Minnesota conspiracy theories comes from Redditor u/perfectporridge:
“Secret water park in the basement of the Mall of America. You sometimes see affluent parents and kids wearing swimwear and carrying towels leaving that place. Has to be true. Nobody has proven it’s not.”
While us common folk are wandering the mall among the Rainforest Cafe and Lego Store, high-rolling families are being ushered through secret entrances down to an exclusive underground oasis. Lush tropical landscaping, winding lazy rivers, thrilling water slides – all tucked away from the prying eyes of us peasants.
Those sharply-dressed Mall of America security guards aren’t just keeping an eye out for shoplifters. No, they’re the gatekeepers ensuring only the creme de la creme gain access to the subterranean hideaway
Of course, the Mall vehemently denies such a facility exists. But they would, wouldn’t they? It’s all part of protecting the sanctity of their elite waters.
The 1998 roof collapse of the Metrodome was intentionally
Number 2 comes from u/Sirhossington who thinks there was more to the Metrodome’s roof collapse than meets the eye.
“The Metrodome roof collapse was intentional. The Vikings wanted a new stadium and the stadium commission wanted more power, so they did not turn up the heat in the Metrodome knowing the roof would collapse from unmelted snow. That’s why there just happens to be a video of it. They knew it was going to happen.”
This one has all the makings of a classic conspiracy! A shady, backroom deal being struck between the Vikings owners and Metrodome officials?
“Let’s let that snow pile up real good this year!” one old-timer says with a wink. “Heck, we’ll even leave the heaters off! When that roof caves in from the weight, we’ll have ourselves the perfect excuse for a new stadium complex.”
Then they immediately made sure to have cameras rolling, so they could capture the dramatic moment for “posterity.”
Of course, the “official” explanation is much more boring – an accumulation of heavy snow caused buckling and tearing of the fiberglass fabric roof panels. But where’s the fun in that, eh?
Malt-O-Meal plant makes more than just breakfast cereals
u/HarveyPeligro thinks there is more to Malt-O-Meal than what meets the eye.
“The Malt-O-Meal plant in Northfield makes more than just breakfast food and that’s why they stopped doing tours after 9/11.”
Oh geez, you just know there’s some super secret stuff happening behind those unassuming factory walls in that little town. While the world thinks they’re just churning out healthy, whole grain cereals, the real operation is way juicier than that!
Maybe they’ve got a side hustle cooking up experimental military rations. Or heck, they could be one of those front companies producing components for the Illuminati’s weather control machines.
Either way, those Malt-O-Meal folks seem to be doing just fine keeping us all wonderfully nourished and blissfully unaware.
Kensington Runestone is Real
From u/struck21, “The Kensington Runestone. Whether you believe it or not, it’s always interesting.”
u/Annathiika said, “I made the mistake of bringing it up in casual conversation at work as a hoax to a guy who lives in Kensington and -the way he looked at me- oh my god I thought I was going to set ablaze.”
You know the story – in 1898 this crazy slab of engraved greywacke shows up on a Minnesota farm, seeming to be legit proof that Viking explorers made it to the land of lakes way back in 1362!
Of course, those darn East Coast ivy leaguers immediately tried to sweep it under the rug as a hoax.
Just think about it – the geological and geochemical tests match the supposed 14th century origins. Yet those snobs still insist on burying the truth from us! You just know there’s a big conspiracy keeping the lid on this earth-shattering Norse-ican discovery.
Lutefisk is edible
You betcha this one’s gonna rattle some cages! According to a rogue group of lutefisk truthers, the entire “inedible gelatinous fishy nightmare” reputation is nothing but a decades-long smear campaign against the Nordic delicacy.
That’s right, according to these people, we’ve all been hoodwinked into believing lutefisk is a practical joke dreamed up by some ornery Vikings, when in reality it’s a totally normal, perfectly palatable dish.
Now I know what you’re thinkin’ – that quivery mass of fish jelly can’t possibly be edible! But according to folks like u/DaveG55337, when “done properly” lutefisk boasts a delightful texture akin to lobster tail and trumps even walleye.
Others like u/dumpyduluth have said “I’ve been here 27 years minus a few years while I was in the Navy, I’ve never seen the stuff and I’m convinced that it’s an elaborate prank like cow tipping.”
I gotta say, I personally have heard of the dish and can’t remember if I’ve even seen it on a menu. The sounds of the dish make my stomach churn.
Maybe it has all been anti-lutefisk propaganda, so people favor other fish delicacies.
What is your favorite Minnesota Conspiracy Theory?
From the Mall of America having a secret underground water park to the Minnesota Vikings being cursed from winning the Super Bowl, these funny theories are all in good fun.
At the end of the day, conspiracy theories exist to entertain, not to be believed. Minnesotans clearly understand that and have a blast coming up with these far-fetched scenarios.
