Hammocks in Minneapolis

Hammock Hysteria in Minneapolis | Should they be allowed in Parks?

Oh Minneapolis, always finding new things to be upset about. The latest target of outrage? Those dastardly hammocks in our public parks! Yes, you read that right – hammocks. Those innocuous slings of relaxation have become public enemy number one for some curmudgeonly park-goers.

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Good Riddance to Relaxation?

According to a recent thread on the r/Minneapolis subreddit, someone is celebrating the new “Hammock Exclusion Areas” being set up by the Minneapolis Park and Recreation Board (MPRB). It seems that some people can’t handle seeing others relaxing in hammocks and enjoying the city’s green spaces.

The melodramatic OP title “Good Riddance!” really sets the tone. I’m wondering if the hammocks were sitting in front of his house, obstructing his view of the lake. Or maybe he just had a bad experience with a hammock.

A Voice of Reason

But wait, before we burn all the hammocks, the MPRB would like us to consider some sanity. They’ve provided guidelines that allow for responsible hammocking while protecting our arboreal friends.

Using reasonable tree size requirements, wide straps and padding to prevent bark damage – why, it’s almost like we can have our trees and lie in hammocks too!

The highlights from the MPRB policy:

  • Only robust trees over 1 foot in diameter can be used for hammocks.
  • Straps must be 2+ inches wide and padded to prevent tree damage.
  • Each tree gets just one hammock, no hammock gangs allowed.
  • Hammocks have to give trees a rest from time to time in designated areas.

When the city sees a tree needs rest, they’ll put up a signpost nearby excluding hammocks.

Reddit Revolts

Seems pretty reasonable to me. But of course, the Reddit peanut gallery is having none of it. Comments range from calling hammock lovers “undesirables” to preaching about the impending arboricide that will surely result if this hammock madness is not contained.

One eminently reasonable user even suggests the novel idea of…wait for it…installing dedicated hammock posts! But no, that makes too much sense. We must protect every square inch of the parks from the hammock menace at all costs.

In the midst of the hysteria, I did appreciate the frankly poetic comment “Next thing you know there’ll be mushroom foraging teens hanging from the side of Minnehaha Falls in portaledges.” Truly a vision to inspire terror in the most jaded urbanite’s heart.

Just Let Them Hammock!

Yeah, it’s really annoying how some people look down on young people just trying to enjoy nature in the city. Hammocking is such a low-impact way to relax outdoors. But no, we can’t have attractive nuisances like fun in our public spaces!

At the end of the day, if people follow the guidelines, use common sense, and show respect for the parks and trees, hammocking should be no issue. The Minnepolis Parks and Recreation board seems to agree.

Soak up the summer days while giving the trees a break once in a while. And if you encounter any hammock-shamers, just laugh and gently sway – it’ll really rile them up.

Relaxing in a Hammock

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